Figure09
by Spooky2
Summary: A song fic to "Figure.09" by Linkin Park. Heero's having flaskbacks and it doesn't look good. Please R


Figure.09

VJ: Yes I'm back. Hallelujah! I've been so busy drawing that I haven't been doing any writing. But now I'm back and I hope to stay! Oh yeah, I don't own Gundam Wing or Linkin Park. If I did I would be rich and wouldn't be writing this.

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts

_And the pain attached to them_

_Sometimes I wonder why this is happening_

Heero felt the fist slam into his face; blood ran from his nose and mouth. "You know better than to help someone!" Dr. J yelled at him. A 2 by 4 slammed into his stomach. Heero fell to the cold metal floor in pain. He couldn't help it. The girl had needed help. In his secret heart Heero didn't want to be like this. How did this happen?

_It's like nothing I can do_

_Will distract me when_

_I think of how I shot myself in the back again_

[Flashback] Heero was walking down an ally. He was nine years old and alone. He heard a noise and looked over. There was an old man with funny glasses and a claw for a hand. "You have good eyes," said the old man, "want to become a Gundam pilot?" "Sure," said Heero.

_'Cause from the infinite words I could say/I_

_Put all the pain you gave to me on display_

Heero always fought hard in the battles. Killing. People thought he did it because he was a heartless soldier. Maybe that was true. But then she came into his life. Changed him. She understood, or at least tried to. She was different. He could tell her.

_But didn't realize_

_Instead of setting it free/I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

Things never changed. He couldn't tell her. He couldn't tell the other pilots. It hurt so much. He wanted to scream. How could he make them understand? How could they ever understand? He stayed the same, emotionless.

_[It never goes away]_

_[It never goes away]_

Even now after the war was over the nightmares still came. Every night in his dreams he swore he would change. But he never did.

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

Every night the faces, the people he had killed, and J. During the day, cold, emotionless, just like J wanted. Every night his face.

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

In his dreams hate, pain, fear, sadness, happiness, love, and tears. In his dreams no one could see him. He was safe to cry, laugh, and love. J couldn't see him.

_I can't separate myself from_

_What I've done_

_I've given up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

He would never show emotion. J would be happy. But he wasn't J. Or was he? Heero had become what he had hated, and he couldn't change.

_Hearing your name/the memories_

_Come back again_

_I remember when it started happening_

"Dr. J," someone said. Heero looked around, calm outside, panicking on the inside. [Flashback] It was four months after he had found J that things took a turn for the worst. J thought Heero wasn't trying hard enough. So J decided to discipline him. He-

"Yo, Heero. You okay?" asked Duo interrupting his thoughts. He looked at Heero with concern.

"Fine," grunted Heero, but inside nothing was fine.

_I'd see you in every thought I had and then_

_The thoughts slowly found words_

_Attached to them_

He could probably tell the others everything. But who's to say they could ever understand? There were words. Oh yes, there were words waiting to be let out, wanting to be let out. They had always been in the back of his mind, until she came. Now they were always pushing. Somehow he would tell Relena, somehow.

_And I knew as they escaped away I was_

_Committing myself to 'em/and every day I_

_Regret saying those things/'cause now_

_I see/that I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

It was just after the incident with Mariemaia and the five pilots were sitting around a table at one of the Preventors' offices. They were discussing what to do with Dr. J and the others.

"We just can't let them wander around," said Duo. "They might try to start building mobile suits again. Then our lives would be a living hell."

The other pilots, Sally, and Relena had agreed. They just didn't know what to do.

Then Heero spoke up. "Kill them." Everyone looked at him shocked.

_[It never goes away]_

_[It never goes away]_

"Heero, how could you say that?" asked Relena. She looked at him horrified. Heero looked on, emotionless.

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

'How could I have said that?' thought Heero. He may have looked emotionless on the outside to everyone, but inside he was screaming. He wanted to get out.

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

"Nah, we can't kill them," said Duo, recovering first. "Maybe a mental institution?" Duo grinned. Everyone started talking again. And again Heero pulled into himself. Pulling the pain and hate back in.

_I can't separate myself from_

_What I've done_

_I've given up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

'What have I become?!' thought Heero. He wanted to run, these feelings were driving him slowly insane. 'I'm not supposed to be able to feel this!'

_[It never goes away]_

_[It never goes away]_

Relena watched him. She was worried, Heero seemed quiet. He had always been silent but this wasn't right. She could feel it. Something was hurting him.

_[It never goes away]_

_[It never goes away]_

Heero walked along the garden trail. It was dark, no lights and no moon. He was going insane. He was sure of it. He needed to escape. It seemed like J was always watching him. Tormenting him. He wanted to scream. "No one will save you," said J. Heero looked around panicking. J couldn't be here he was at a holding cell 10 miles away. "You will always be alone," said J. Heero's eyes widened. It was in his mind!

_Get away from_

_ME!_

"Leave me alone," whispered Heero.

"But why?" The voice seemed to come from everywhere.

_Gimme my space back/you gotta just_

_GO!_

"Because I'm not like you," said Heero his voice getting louder.

_Everything comes down to memories of_

_YOU!_

"But you are like me, and you'll never change," said the voice.

_I've kept it in but now I'm letting you_

_KNOW!_

"NO!!!" screamed Heero. "Get out of my head! Leave me alone! I'      m not like that anymore! I've changed!" Then the laughter came. J was laughing at him.

_I've let you go_

_So get away from_

_ME!_

Heero screamed and ran as fast as he could. Through the garden, but the laughter followed. He couldn't escape it.

_Gimme my space back/you gotta just_

_GO!_

Never 

_Everything comes down to memories of_

_YOU!_

escape

_I've kept it in but now I'm letting you_

_KNOW!_

it!

_I've let you go_

Heero stopped under a tree. Breathing hard, he looked around. No one, no voices, nothing. Then the pain hit. Heero sank to the ground.

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

'What's this awful pain?' thought Heero. 'My body's fine. It's….it's…' Heero's eyes widened. It was coming from the inside! From his heart! Heero cringed.

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

His head felt like it was going to explode. All the emotions he had ever buried came to the surface. He couldn't handle it. He ran.

_I can't separate myself from_

_What I've done_

_I've given up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

Heero ran into the mansion and slammed the door. He just needed some sleep that was all. He was just tired.

_I've let myself become you_

Relena heard the door slam. 'Who could that be?' She walked out into the spacious entryway. Heero stood a few feet from the door breathing hard.

_I've let myself become lost inside these_

_Thoughts of you_

'This can't be happening,' thought Heero. It hurt so much. He fell to the floor. He heard someone gasp.

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

"Heero!" Relena ran over to him. He was on his hands and knees breathing hard. She knelt down next to him. "Heero? Heero are you alright?"

Heero looked up. There was pure fear in his eyes. His expression was so painful. Relena looked on shocked. Nothing scared Heero. Then tears slid down his cheeks. Relena pulled him in and held him. Then Heero let loose, crying and crying…

**To be continued?**

VJ: So what do you think? Is it any good? Or does it suck? Should I continue on and make it a story? Or is it not worth it? I could really use the feedback. I love all of you who review, and for those who don't….I'll have to find my bazooka. MWAHAHAHA!!!!


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